“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV)

1. What does the word “trespasses” mean? What are some common examples?

A question I am often asked as a pastor is, “Do I have to forgive someone who is not asking for forgiveness?” Behind that question is a desire for the person who has wronged us to see their error, feel sorry for it, and come to us for forgiveness. I have seen more unicorns in my life than I have ever had this happen! I am joking, of course. I have never had this happen. The question comes out of hurt and is asking whether we are justified to withhold forgiveness until the person recognizes their wrong. My answer to it is always the same, “Read Matthew 6:14. What does it say? Notice that there is no mention of the person asking us for forgiveness.” Again, this is rare to ever have happened. Most people, even if they recognize the wrong, do not say anything about it and just move on.

2. Have you wronged someone (or they perceived it that way), asked for forgiveness, and did not receive forgiveness from them? How did it feel?

Jesus does not say, “When you are asked for forgiveness, go ahead and extend it.” He says that we must actively choose to “forgive.” “Forgive” comes from the Greek word “aphiemi” and means “to send away, dismiss, or release requirements.”

The Greek text here makes it clear that this forgiveness is something we must decide to do regardless of what the other person does or does not do. The word “forgive” in the Greek text is in the aorist tense and active voice which simply means that it is something that we must actively decide to do. We choose to send away the wrong and require no more from the person who hurt us. Interestingly, the word “forgive” is also in the subjunctive mood in Greek and so it means that this is a question. In other words, it is what we should decide to do, but will we do it?

3. What are some advantages of forgiving others?

Forgiveness is not easy to genuinely give. It often requires a choice to give it over and over. This is why in verse 14, Jesus gives us some motivation. The tone of verse 14 is, “This is why you should.” He says, “If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Notice the conditions here. If we forgive others, He forgives us. However, in verse 15, we read, “But, if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Wait, is this saying God will not forgive me if I do not forgive others? That is right. Let me explain. First, this is not referring to salvation. It is referring to fellowship or communion with God. It is referring to our daily repentance from sin in order to maintain a clear conscience. In 1 John 1:9, it says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This is not referring to salvation, but rather the regular cleansing from God that we need as sinful people. As true followers of Christ, we do not want to sin, but still do and will continue to until we go home or He returns. We will not become sinless this side of Heaven. However, as His people, we should sin less as the years go by and as we grow in Him. Repentance from daily sin is a key component in our growth. When we sin, we turn to our Lord with remorse and for His forgiveness and cleansing.

4. Summarize this last paragraph in your own words. What thoughts come to mind?

The warning in verses 14-15 is against thinking we can withhold forgiveness from others and still be “good” with God. It is not so! It is a contradiction to ask God for His forgiveness for our sin against Him, to ask Him to release us from our wrongdoing, and at the same time refuse to give it to someone who has sinned against us. Jesus is teaching us an important biblical principle. He basically says, “If you refuse to release the wrongs of someone else, I will not release the wrongs you have committed against Me.” This is a withholding of the sense that we are “clean” before the Lord, that sin has been dealt with, and that things are right between Him and me. He withholds this to force us to do what we are supposed to do. Believe it or not, this is God’s mercy towards us. It is designed to make us do what is best for us to do.

5. How is God’s discipline a gift to us?

We all know that unforgiveness is destructive. It has been said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” That is so true. All of this is designed by God to prevent something that I see often as a pastor. It is a familiar scene. The husband and wife walk into my office separately. They are visibly cold towards each other. They sit apart. They do not touch, make no eye contact, and do not speak towards each other at all. They begin to explain their marriage troubles. After some time, I begin to ask questions. The first question is always something along the lines of, “Tell me about your relationship with the Lord Jesus.” Nearly every time, they seemed surprised by my question (as in, “What does this have to do with anything?”) and then tell me that things are great with them and God. It is not true. It is never true. As Jesus says here, it cannot be true.

6. How does our relationship with God affect our fellowship with others?

7. How does our relationship with others affect our fellowship with God?

Peter warns in 1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) that it is possible to have our prayers “hindered” (In Greek the word means to “cut off or cut short”) if we deal with our spouses the wrong way. Psalm 66:18 (NKJV) says, “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear.”

8. How do these verses emphasize the importance of forgiveness?

Our Lord said in Matthew 5:23-24 that if we begin to approach God and remember that there is something between us and another person, we are to leave our gift and go make it right with the other person. All of this teaches that we cannot create brokenness in our relationships with others, ignore it, and think that nothing is broken between us and God. In God’s mercy, He has connected these things. It forces us to forgive others, to work towards reconciliation (if it is possible), and to make things right in order for us to be “right” with God.

9. How does pride relate to forgiveness?

Jesus basically says, “Choose to send away the wrong that has been done to you, just as I have sent away the wrong you have done to Me. If you refuse to do so, I will make you aware that you and I are not right until you decide to.”