Joy in the In-Between - Devotion 2

Joyful Gratitude 

I want to start where we left off yesterday with gratitude. 

Does anyone else struggle with gratitude? Maybe I am the only one raising my hand? I imagine that is not the case. I can be somewhat pessimistic; however, that was not always the case. 

I am going to get a bit real here; 2020 messed me up. In case you were in a coma during 2020, that was the COVID year. Everything shut down, and my anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks again. My first stint with anxiety began on September 11, 2001. Yes, that September 11th. I was preparing for my ordination council (I would stand in front of 25 seasoned pastors and defend my ten-page, single-spaced, back-to-back doctrinal statement the Friday after), and the planes hit the Twin Towers. My chest was heavy, and I was convinced I was going to die. During the next couple of weeks, I began to understand that this was my first panic attack. I struggled with it over the next 7-8 years or so, but saw it subside as God helped me through many sleepless nights. I still struggled occasionally, but God had delivered me. 

Then COVID came. I was again convinced that I was going to die, and that the virus was all around me. Add that to the fact that I was doing my best to lead a church that had been struggling through that time already; I was vulnerable. Through COVID, my family and I did everything we could to lead our church. We took on too much; I took on too much. By January 2021, I was ready to quit the ministry. I was exhausted and convinced that I was a terrible husband, father, and pastor. My joy was gone, but God was working, and He never let us go. 

God had led me to talk to some of my friends here at The River Church about potential adoption of the church I was pastoring in 2019. I had felt that God was calling us to be a part of something bigger like a fellowship, denomination, or even a multi-site as the “Lone Ranger” church did not seem to be effective for us. 

Long story short, in June of 2021, the congregation voted that we would become the Lake Orion location of The River Church. I was more relieved than joyful; that was all I had left in me. Graciously and thankfully, the leadership at The River Church sent me and my family away for a six-week sabbatical and boy, did we need it! I spent so much of that time sleeping and decompressing (and playing bad golf). 

I would love to tell you that I came back thankful and ready to get back to work. However, my joy was still gone. I struggled to find the good in anything. There was a point in 2022 when Jeannie, my wife, said to me, “It does not matter what it is, everything is negative for you.” That was God’s 2x4, and today I am thankful. I wish I had responded better at that moment, but that was not something I wanted to hear. There were reasons I was negative! 

That is something that you must consider if you are lacking joy. There are good reasons to be struggling, right? What you have to remember, and I am continually learning, is that joy is not based on your circumstance but on where the foundation of your life is. Again, this theme will keep coming up. 

Over the last couple of years, God has been patient with me. I am still a recovering pessimist, but I am now becoming more joyful in who God is rather than only feeling my circumstances. I am nowhere near where I believe God is taking me because my steadfastness (James 1:2-4) is not as strong as it needs to be. However, I know Who holds me. I see some of the ways God is working. God is doing amazing things in His church! 

Here is the thing I’m finding out: when I am grateful for what I have, for what God is doing, and for the people in my life, then I am joyful. I can remember that God is always in control and my joy is in Him. 

Joyful gratitude is all about where you live. It is where you abide and in what or in whom you trust. 

Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”