Devotion 3: Serve Even When It's Hard
Alyssa Fairse
"Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." Ephesians 5:22-24
My husband, Brandon, and I had been married for four years, but our marriage was anything but healthy. It was broken, strained, and far from what God intended. We weren't honoring the Lord or each other, and by the end of those four years, I felt like I had nothing left to give. I moved out and filed for divorce, fully convinced that Brandon was to blame. I told my friends and family everything he had done wrong, and naturally, they stood by me. They saw him through the lens I had painted—one of frustration, hurt, and disappointment. But what I didn't tell them was the part I played. I left out how selfish I had become, how I tried to control everything, and how often I let pride lead the way.
The hard reality is that as wives, the desire to control is part of our fallen nature. In Genesis 3:16, God tells Eve after the fall, "Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you." This means that a wife would have a desire to dominate or control their husband. That verse pierced me when I finally saw it for what it was. God showed me that my controlling behavior was not a personality flaw; it was part of the curse of sin. For years, I had let the enemy win by giving in to that flesh-driven desire. I was not fighting for my marriage; I was fighting against it, all while convincing myself I was justified.
Healing began when I humbled myself before the Lord and allowed Him to show me the condition of my own heart. When I stopped blaming Brandon and started seeking God, everything began to shift. It was not easy, but it was the beginning of redemption. I finally surrendered to the Lord and began meeting weekly with a mentor. Together, we walked through the book, “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. Those conversations and that book helped shift my entire perspective on marriage. Instead of dwelling on Brandon's flaws, I began to focus on who God created me to be as a wife.
As a result, Brandon and I started premarital counseling. Through our mentors, and our surrender, God truly took His rightful place at the center of our relationship where He always belonged, and we got remarried in March of 2020. What was once shattered was no longer just repaired; it was redeemed. God didn't just patch up the broken pieces, He created something new, something stronger, something rooted in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." Brandon and I are far from perfect, and there are still moments when control and pride try to creep back into my heart; but the Lord, in His grace and faithfulness, continues to remind me of His redeeming love and the importance of dying to myself daily. As Jesus said in Luke 9:23, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."
Today, there may be times in your marriage when loving or serving your husband feels difficult, maybe he let you down, forgot something important, or said something that hurt. In those moments, it is easy to withdraw or hold back, but the beautiful truth is this: when you choose to serve, love, and honor your husband—especially when it is hard—you are ultimately doing it for the Lord.
Colossians 3:23-24 reminds us, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."
Marriage is a reflection of Christ's love, and when we love selflessly, we are worshiping God with our actions. This doesn't mean ignoring hurt or avoiding healthy communication, but it does mean remembering who you're ultimately serving. Your faithfulness, even in the quiet, unseen moments, is an offering to Jesus, He sees you, knows your heart, and gives you strength to love in ways you couldn't on your own. "Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:14).
Foundational Family Blueprint Activity Read The Bible
As a family, read 1 Peter 3.