There's an old debate in child-rearing whether nature or nurture have a greater effect on a person. Nature would be the genes and biology the person is born with: eye color, height, natural talents, and temperament. Nurture refers to the environment and experiences of the person: parenting style, schooling, and life events.
1. If you had to choose one, which do you think has a greater influence on who someone becomes?
The Scripture is clear that God has formed each person. Isaiah 64:8 says, "But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand." There is most definitely an aspect of nature to every person. All people have been created by God and bear his image (Genesis 1:27).
2. What are some natural characteristics that you have been given by God?
We are going to spend the majority of our time today on the other side of the coin: nurture. Parents have been given an incredible responsibility in raising children to love and serve the Lord. As new parents, my wife, Haleigh, and I have been learning firsthand that raising a child in the way that God calls doesn't happen by itself. It takes prayer, sacrifice, planning, and Godly community. We are going to boil that all down to nurturing your children.
3. What are some nurture characteristics (can be positive or negative) you have picked up or learned along the way?
As we continue in “Foundations of the Family,” we read in the book of Ephesians, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Though this is seemingly addressed just to Fathers, there is reason to believe this passage speaks to both parents. Here, the word in the original language that is translated as "Father" can also mean parents. In Hebrews 11:23, the same word is used and translated as parents, "By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king's edict." Each parent can learn from God's Word today even though mothers and fathers and households may have a slightly different application of this passage.
4. What does it look like to bring your children up in the discipline of the Lord?
Colossians 3:21 speaks to this idea by saying, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." Parents can either encourage or discourage their children. Parenting is a sacred privilege where God has entrusted His most precious creations to parents to raise them in the ways of the Lord. How a parent disciplines and instructs can either encourage or discourage them. There are selfish ways to discipline and there are loving and sacrificial ways.
One of the quickest ways to discourage children is by disciplining them while angry. Overall, I have so much respect for my parents and the way they disciplined my siblings and me. If Dad was at work, Mom gave us the dreaded, "Your dad and I will discuss this when he gets home" line. At the moment, it didn't make sense, but my parents wanted to be on the same page and were very intentional to not discipline us while they were still upset about what we did. My parents were unified with this, and I know for a fact that it didn't happen by accident. They had discussed and planned how to handle this.
Tony Merida, in his commentary “Exalting Jesus in Ephesians” gives eight possible ways to anger and discourage your kids:
5. How did your parents discourage you?
6. How did your parents encourage you?
7. What are some things they encouraged you to pursue?
8. If you are a parent, what actions do you find yourself taking that could discourage your children?
9. If you had Christian parents, how did you see this done well in your household?
One of the most important ways to disciple your children is by talking about Jesus. If the Lord is only talked about at church on Sunday, you can't expect them to see how Jesus affects every part of their life. This means more than just preaching to your kids, but dialoguing, asking questions, and adding in a dash of your experience with God. I love what Tony Merida has to say about this, "You will need to have dialogue, not just monologue, to do this. Ask them questions! Know what they believe or doubt. Know their fears. Discern matters of the heart (Prov 20:5). Speak to their hearts affectionately with lots of encouragement. Celebrate successes and small victories. Warn about the dangers of pride, laziness, and folly. And pray with them regularly."
Let’s go back to the initial question we began with: is nature or nurture more important to who someone becomes? The answer is both nature AND nurture! God has created each person to bear His image and also placed people around them whom he uses to mold and shape them into His disciples. Parents have a sacred role in raising their children. Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!