When I was growing up, my family built a house on a lake. The only problem was under the sandy soil the foundation was not sturdy enough to support a house. So, what you do is install these things called "pilings". They are huge 25-foot-long wooden telephone pole-looking things that get driven into the ground by a giant machine. The idea is that you pound enough of these in for the house to sit on them, and boom! You have a sturdy foundation to build upon. When they were installing the pilings at my childhood home, the crane operator forgot one essential thing, he didn't put all of the supports for the machine down properly. While trying to give our house a proper foundation, he didn't give his machine the proper foundation. After a short time, the giant crane tipped over and crushed the garage of my parent's neighbor. It was not the type of introduction my parents were hoping for!
1. Have you ever created or built something that didn't turn out as planned or failed in some way?
2. What happened?
We know when things aren't put together right, they tend to fail. It's obvious to see this in physical structures, it can be harder to see within a structure like the family. When the family structure doesn't have the proper foundation, it is going to fail. We've talked about how the family should be built on respect and love between husbands and wives, and ultimately, between all the family members.
Now we are going to look at how honor, particularly from the child to the parents, contributes to strengthening the family foundations. I know that someone in middle school all the way to someone whose parents have long since passed away could be studying this lesson, so regardless of your situation, try and see how the relationship between child and parent currently applies to you. It may be something you need to learn to put into practice in your life right now or something you can use to help disciple someone. Regardless of your situation, let the Word of God speak to you.
3. How have you been challenged in your understanding of the family foundations through the last two weeks of lessons?
Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."
4. What does it mean for children to obey their parents "in the Lord"?
5. How does this obedience reflect their relationship with God?
Sometimes the Bible can be confusing, other times it literally cannot be any more straightforward. The command here is clear, “Children obey their parents in the Lord.” Our obedience, respect, and honor towards our parents is an extension of our relationship with Christ. The expectation here is that the children being spoken to know Jesus as their savior and stay in obedience to the Word of the Lord. They are commanded to obey their parents.
We demonstrate our submission to Jesus' order and authority when we obey our parents. Let's be honest, as a child, it isn't always easy to obey our parents. There are many excuses we can come up with why it would be better for us to ignore their commands. However, we show our trust in Jesus that His ways are higher than our own when we obey even when it is not easy.
6. What do you see as the difference between "obeying" and "honoring" your father and mother?
The word honor means to "show high regard for". This is an internal feeling, not just an outward response. It's easy just to obey someone, and do it all while having a horrible attitude. To honor our parents we must have an internal genuine respect for them, this feeling towards them then will reveal itself in the way we interact with them and how we speak about them to others. I know some of you reading this right now might be thinking "If you only knew my parents, you wouldn't expect me to honor them."
7. How can you do a better job of honoring your father and mother?
8. What do you think the verse means when it says, "That it may go well with you and you may live long in the land”?
Very simply and practically, obeying your parents is going to keep you safe. Think of this part of the verse almost as a Proverb. Logically, if my parents tell me to wear a seatbelt and I listen to them when I get in a car accident, I'm more likely to be safe. A good Godly parent lays out rules and expectations for a child ultimately for their good. As a child, you are not always going to like what your parents tell you to do, but obedience can lead to well-being and good health as a result. A God-fearing Christian community that builds its foundation on honoring and obeying one another is going to create an environment that helps things "go well with you" as the Scripture says.
9. Has there ever been a time that you didn't obey a parent and it almost led you to getting seriously hurt?
I understand that every person's situation is different. God knew that every child was not going to have the perfect parent, yet He still put this commandment in Scripture. So, how do we handle obeying and honoring parents in bad situations as well as good ones? If you had a bad upbringing, know that your heavenly Father loves and cares for you. He sent His son to die for you, Jesus was willing to sacrifice everything for you. That is the true picture of what love is, and it is the witness that we can show our parents by honoring them. If you have parents who are not believers, you as a Christian have an incredible opportunity to show them Jesus.
However, as believers, we have to remember that God is our ultimate authority. Acts 5:29 says, “But Peter and the apostles answered, ‘We must obey God rather than men.’” There may be times when you will have to follow God's commands over the command of a parent. This cannot be based on your opinion, but it would have to be something that is clearly against the commands of Scripture.The world believes we are to give honor only to those who have earned it, but Scripture calls us to honor our parents regardless.
10. How can you show honor to a parent that you feel has not earned that honor?
11. Ephesians 5:21 says we need to be, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” How does this principle of mutual submission apply within the family structure?
When the parent/child relationship has a foundation of honor and respect, we will see our families flourish. This will flow out of a growing relationship with Christ. The more we understand Christ’s love for us, the more willingly we will submit to one another. My prayer is that families can learn to better understand the structure that God has put in place, and how that can lead to a happier, healthier family life. When children obey and honor their parents, and then parents in turn can show honor and respect back to their children, the family begins to reflect Christ. The foundation of the family is built on respect, love, and honor between each person. Children, no matter how young or how old, honor their parents.
12. What practical steps can your family take this week to cultivate an atmosphere of honor and respect in the home?