Aretha Franklin sang about it. Rodney Dangerfield made jokes about not getting any. Games ought to have it. For us today, every family should have a foundation in it. The "it" we are discussing is respect. Respect is our opening foundation because it provides a profound insight into how God designed the family. For every believer in Jesus, respect is more than just an action. Respect is the "it" that every family needs because respect is a reflection of love, humility, and submission.
1. Why do you think mutual respect is foundational to the strength of marriage and family?
I recently sat down with two young people as they are about to embark on the journey of marriage. Whenever someone asks if I would be willing to officiate, I request a few sit-downs with the soon-to-be-married couple to do premarital counseling. This is meant to serve as an opportunity to speak truth into their lives and ultimately point them to God's design for marriage. One of the more pointed conversations I like to have is discussing roles within the marriage. Far too often, we look to society as our measuring stick for how a marriage and family ought to run. From what I have come to learn, God designed families to have the foundations of respect and submission, and when they are not implemented early in a family, hardship is to come.
In Ephesians chapter 5, God’s Word gives a final statement about marriage: "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). God's instructions are clear. Husbands love your wives as explained earlier in the chapter, and wives respect your husbands as explained earlier in the chapter.
2. What advice would you give young people who are about to get married?
3. What is the worst advice a person could receive before they get married?
Many times whenever we think of respect we simply run to Ephesians 5:22-24 emphasis on submission. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."
While there is a great truth that submission is a major aspect of a wife's role, more is found in this chapter than a wife's submission. One cannot omit verses fifteen through twenty-one, with a major focus on verse twenty-one.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:15-21
Respect in our family must first stem from our submission to Christ as Lord. When a person surrenders their life to Jesus, confesses Him as their Lord, and believes that He is the only way to be saved from the sin that rules our hearts, their heart will be transformed and changed. This change that only Jesus can bring will change how a person treats others. God's Word does not start with calling for only wives to submit. God's Word first calls believers to mutually submit to one another. This submission to Christ brings respect, which sets the tone for respect within marriage and family.
4. How does submitting to Christ shape the way we interact with our spouses and family members?
5. Should you submit to what you do not respect?
While there is a collective call to believers to submit to one another, there also is a direct call for wives to submit “to your husbands as to the Lord." Submission is not a dirty word, nor is it to be used as an authoritarian term to keep a person in line. Submission must be viewed not just as the duty of wives alone, but as an essential part of a Christian lifestyle. Jesus submitted to His parents, paid taxes, submitted to the will of the Father, and even said the Holy Spirit should be with His people. Jesus modeled submission. Submission is not meant to be something that must be earned, it is a call from the Word of God. We cannot pluck Ephesians 5:22-23 out of thin air without knowing the context of Ephesians 5:21, which says, "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." A wife's submission to her husband is "as to the Lord" and demonstrates a reverence for Christ, rather than a chauvinistic political system. When a man and a woman are joined in marriage they are joined to reflect Christ to each other.
6. How has a worldly view of respect and submission perverted God's truth?
God's Word is the ultimate Truth. Too often, we try to add loopholes to His Word. These loopholes are used to make light of disobedience and sin. Living a life of righteous perfection has only been done by one person. For everyone else who is not Jesus, living for God is hard. The reality for wives is submission and respect can be hard. Inasmuch, husbands loving their wives, children honoring their parents, and parents building up their children, are all difficult if not impossible without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is why wives are instructed to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Regardless of how a husband is, submission and respect are due because that act of obedience is given to the Lord.
7. How does loophole living erode the foundations of a marriage?
Paul (moreover, God's Word) emphasizes the importance of a wife's respect and submission toward their husbands. In Roman culture, a wife's role was to be a dignified wife and a good mother. A wife would be a matron who would make their clothes, provide for children (preferably boys), and make sure the home and food were both good. God's truth is so revolutionary. A wife would display worship and obedience to the one true God for the ways she would reflect the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This respect is not a sign of inferiority, but a demonstration of love and honor, a lifestyle of God's design for unity in the family, a glue that helps strengthen the marriage bond and a reflection of the realness of Jesus.
8. What practical ways can wives demonstrate respect for their husbands, and how does this align with biblical teachings?
9. How can husbands practically facilitate respect and submission in their wives, and encourage their obedience?
Aretha Franklin sang about it, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T.” Rodney Dangerfield made jokes about not getting any. Games ought to have it. For us today, every family should want respect and submission as a foundation.